photo of the day
4-29-11
god's beauty
tonight i went to the mall to shop for some new tennis shoes. while i was there i decided to go in a couple of stores just to see if i could find a really good deal on a shirt or something. i got kind of down because even though i've lost 20 pounds that's not enough to necessitate new clothes. my clothes are a little bigger, but i can still wear them.
i feel better than i've felt in a really long time. i'm starting to feel like the skinny girl inside me is slowly trying to come out. i WANT to wear cute clothes and look pretty again, but when i look in the mirror i'm still fat. and i let that ugly fat girl with a defeated attitude rear her ugly head every once in a while and i get sad.
so i walked out of the store without buying anything because i felt like i didn't deserve anything new because i'm still fat. that's how i've treated myself for several years now.
but as i was driving home, i looked out the window and saw the most amazing sunset. i could actually see the outline of the sun setting just behind an american flag. i literally gasped! i quickly pulled over and grabbed my phone to take a picture. i wanted everyone to see what i saw, but since i only had my phone i didn't capture that moment like i wanted to.
the picture doesn't even show you what i saw. but maybe you weren't supposed to see. in my small mind i like to think that god put me at that spot at that exact moment to remind me that there's more to being beautiful than being skinny or fat. that sunset reminded me that god still loves me no matter what size i am, and that my beauty comes from him. i am made in HIS image. why should i feel sad about that? how am i going to share his beauty and love with the world if i'm so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself?
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
~Psalm 139:13-14
I love this post Amy! You are beautiful, and God has lots of good things for you, skinny or fat! Thank you for being such a good friend. You have been there for me so many times. And I have never once cared that you were heavy or thin. You are just precious. But I do understand how you feel. I have felt that way many times. We just have to keep trying to do what we know we need to do.
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